Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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