She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
