U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
