just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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