He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize