You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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