weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
