A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize