we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
