Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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