Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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