I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
