her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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