At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
