I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
