Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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