Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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