Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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