we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Randomize
