Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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