I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
