After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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