Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
