her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
