I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
