My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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