Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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