he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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