i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just googled if crying burns calories
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
