He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize