I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
