I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
