WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
