lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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