The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize