I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My vagina just clenched in fear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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