i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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