awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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