So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
