ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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