i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
