remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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