grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
