I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize