you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
