This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
