Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
