Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
