Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
