Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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