I don't think brook has ever known best
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
