Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
