Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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