The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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