I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
