well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
