we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize