how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
