I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
