I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
