no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
