as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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