I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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