are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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