Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
