One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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