Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
