all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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