i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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