I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
