bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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