Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
