I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
