Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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