Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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