Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
