Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
