There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
