what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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