So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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