i just had sex bonerless
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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