ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize