3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
