if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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