I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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