I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
