38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
