I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
