Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
