But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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