Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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